Saturday, October 30, 2010

Sober or Wasted?

So its Saturday night and your hitting the town with the lads. You have made the extra effort to look your best and will stop at nothing to get Claire (your best friend's sister) to notice you. It is really important that everything goes off without a hitch, but for some reason you are too self-conscious to rely on your own perception and limit yourself to two alternatives: to stay sober, to keep your senses intact or to get drunk off your arse, to obtain dutch courage.
Here are the two outcomes of that night.... 

Going sober   
Inside the club, you are the quietest person amongst a pact of drunken idiots. You are refereed to as a dry shite by your "friends" and are on the arse end of every joke told that night.

On the dance floor, your too concerned about not looking like a complete retard and remain in the one position, bobbing your head backwards and forwards, like a pigeon with tourettes.
You see Claire in the distance and send a pervy smile in her direction. She is obviously too drunk to notice your awkwardness and fingers you over to dance.
As you watch her dance around you some random skanger appears on the scene. He nudges you out of the way and throws his arms around Claire's waist. In a matter of seconds they are wearing the face's off each other, despite your neglected presence.
You think about giving this chap a lovely huke to the jaw, but in reality you pretend nothing is wrong and head to a toilet cubicle, staying there until the night has ended.

Getting Wasted
The minute you get through the doors, you head straight for the bar and lash back a heroic number of pints in an extremely short space of time. 

Within the hour, your easily the drunkest person among your mates and begin the evening's entertainment by reciting a shockingly insulting joke about a particular minority (gingers).  

Upon the dance floor, you manage to grab everyone's attention by demonstrating some reckless Irish jig, to the tune of Lady Gaga's bad romance. Your friends desperately try to avoid you and Claire takes her personal interest elsewhere. 
During the peak of your binge, you notice that some random skanger has his arms wrapped around Claire's body. You immediately raise your fists for combat and throw yourself on top of him. The bouncers are immediately alerted, but you refuse to cooperate and remain glued to the scumbag's back, waiting hysterically for your friend's assistance.

However, no such help arrived.... 
Your not too sure how that particular night concluded, but waking up the next morning with a busted lip, a pounding headache and a stolen wallet could only suggest that it was one hell of a night!
*All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Monday, October 11, 2010


"Drink in moderation is one of the most ridiculous statements ever made. You must drink  a little more than moderation."
John. B Keane
Is anyone else getting really pissed off by these drink awareness commercials and whacked out politicians who claim that alcohol can actually lead to serious injury or even death??

FACT: You are more likely to get hit by lightning than to die while driving under the influence! 
My sources also prove that drinking excessively makes you more appealing to the opposite sex and less likely to make a complete tool out of yourself.
I for one am sick of people taking drink too seriously and NO LONGER will I stand by and watch these communists take the "Spirit" out of me Spirits!!   
So Stick around and behold the blog which will become the cancer of every anti-drink campaign and every nagging nagger around!